Reflections

The end of one year and the start of a new, brings about feelings of deep reflection and the need for change. As many go into the new year with resolutions for change and success, and as others swear off restrictive plans and try a more balanced approach, I go into the new year with a simple childhood dream. To be happy.

I’ve spent the last 10 years transforming into a beautifully strong, independent, woman. While I’m sure I still have more transformations ahead of me, it’s time to give myself a break. From the restrictions, the negative talk, the self hate, the constant planning and the anxiety that stems from the hash rules I set for myself.

I’ve learned a lot of life lessons in a short period of time. Difficult and heart breaking lessons. Life changing lessons. Some things happened to me, others happened because of me. I’ve fallen apart, picked myself up, been picked up, fell apart again. Only looked at the bright side, only looked at the dark side, back to looking at the bright side. Truth is, nothing can break me but more importantly, nothing can take my light. I know that now.

I’ve scrutinized myself good and hard, long enough. Picked myself apart, dug deep to change, over and over again. While I still welcome change and transformation, I finally give myself permission to just enjoy being, existing, this moment and all the moments to come.

I know I’ll get where I’m going in my own time and on my own terms. I just don’t want to keep missing all the stops along the way.

– C.A. Sullivan