Everything In It’s Place

The world only seems chaotic
because we don’t understand it.
But actually, every moment
whether it be painful, fearful,
joyous or exciting,
has been carefully designed
and placed exactly where it is.
It’s hard for us to understand
because we can’t get outside of ourselves
and above it all to see the
masterpiece puzzle we are slowly
putting together
that creates a larger picture,
a greater meaning.
Some parts are terrifying,
others are messy.
But in the heart of it all
is a connection
that runs so deep and so true
we couldn’t possibly see it with our
naked eye.
But it is felt,
in every wish,
in every heartbeat,
in every joyful moment,
in a child’s laugh.
in a restful sleep.

– C.A Sullivan


The end of one year and the start of a new, brings about feelings of deep reflection and the need for change. As many go into the new year with resolutions for change and success, and as others swear off restrictive plans and try a more balanced approach, I go into the new year with a simple childhood dream. To be happy.

I’ve spent the last 10 years transforming into a beautifully strong, independent, woman. While I’m sure I still have more transformations ahead of me, it’s time to give myself a break. From the restrictions, the negative talk, the self hate, the constant planning and the anxiety that stems from the hash rules I set for myself.

I’ve learned a lot of life lessons in a short period of time. Difficult and heart breaking lessons. Life changing lessons. Some things happened to me, others happened because of me. I’ve fallen apart, picked myself up, been picked up, fell apart again. Only looked at the bright side, only looked at the dark side, back to looking at the bright side. Truth is, nothing can break me but more importantly, nothing can take my light. I know that now.

I’ve scrutinized myself good and hard, long enough. Picked myself apart, dug deep to change, over and over again. While I still welcome change and transformation, I finally give myself permission to just enjoy being, existing, this moment and all the moments to come.

I know I’ll get where I’m going in my own time and on my own terms. I just don’t want to keep missing all the stops along the way.

– C.A. Sullivan

Grateful at Christmastime and Always

During the hustle and bustle of Christmas time, we all go about buying presents and driving like psychos, hoping to get that great sale we saw, needing desperately to buy that expensive thing for that person we love, making sure we don’t leave anyone out of our gift giving, we trample pregnant women at Walmart and we rush rush rush. We all take so much for granted, forgetting what Christmas and the holidays are all about.

The thought of family and love and togetherness are with us for but a moment and then forgotten again with the new year. We go about living our lives with it’s day to day duties and many misfortunes and we forget what a gift we have been given. The gift of life and of family and of friends and most of all the gift of love, all types of love.

For without love the world would be a dark and lonely place. Love gives us hope for tomorrow and hope for the future. It makes the misfortunes we come across less of a burden to face. If we could only keep this thought of gratefulness with us all year round we might get a little more out of life, we might face our struggles with more ease, we might appreciate those around us who love us a little more, and we might see the world with new eyes.

It seems so unfair to live with such ungratefulness when there are those of us who were taken from life too soon. To live with graciousness and love even in the darkest of times is to honor those who won’t get the chance to live again. So at Christmas time, while I’m feeling the sting of sensitivity, I’m grateful for everyone in life, past and present.

It’s all of you, family and friends, that have shaped who I am, kept me strong, helped me while I was down, laughed with me when I was happy and made memories that will last a lifetime. It’s my new years resolution to try to keep this thought with me year round. How about you?

– C.A. Sullivan

Christmas In The City

The City at Christmastime.
The lights.
The winter chill in the air.
The winter village at Bryant Park,
full of crafters and buyers
hoping to find the perfect gift.
Lights strung from booth to booth.
The village lit up the night.
Ice skaters skating
around the rink near the tree.
The hustle and bustle of the people walking down the street.

– C.A. Sullivan

Falling Leaves

As a child I remember being outside in fall. 
I stood in the open field, surrounded by a fence of trees. 
The wind blew hard and steady, 
pulling the orange, red and brown leaves from their branches 
and into the air like snow. 
I spun around in circles, arms out,
head turned up towards the sky,
dancing in the leaf rain. 
They fell so beautifully and slowly, 
I didn’t want it to end. 
That magical moment when the world stopped 
and only I existed in it.

- C.A. Sullivan