Lost and Found

Sometimes I get lost. Buried in my own anxiety and fear. But then when it clears, the girl I remember rises to the surface again. It’s like she was hiding from the parts of me that she doesn’t know. The parts that strip her of her freedom of self. But when she rises to the surface, she is beautiful, strong, confident and calm.

– C.A. Sullivan

The Grind

I constantly feel the need for change even though I despise it and find it uncomfortable because without change, I get stuck in the monotony of the day to day grind. All it feels like is work, eat, sleep, repeat. I forget my purpose and my passions and it becomes easier and easier to push them aside.

I get so caught up in the imbalance that I get to a place of silence where I’m a shell of person. It’s almost like my brain shut down for anything other than the essentials or working. Which technically is an essential…work produces money that pays for the essentials. That’s no life to live.

That’s the kind of life where you blink and you’re 90 and realized you never really lived. I don’t want that.

But how do we break free from the monotony?

– C.A. Sullivan

All Dressed Up with Nothing to Say

Writing is really difficult when I feel like I have nothing to say. Most of the time I’ve got an opinion or a thought and just want to share it because I feel strongly about it or because I feel like others could benefit or relate to it.

Other times, I feel like I do today. I have nothing to say that’s important so I’m sitting here staring at my laptop screen. With everything that’s going on in the world, my voice feels so small and insignificant. What could I possibly have to say that’s going to make a difference or that people will even care about for that matter.

The truth is, I don’t know. I just have to create what I create because it’s what I love and hope someone cares about it. Often, I feel as though you either need to have a unique enough voice to be heard or you need to stand with other people who are saying the same thing to be heard.

If I try to write about something that I think other people want to read or care about, I lose interest or my writing comes across as insincere, 100 percent of the time.

I create because I want to. I create what makes me happy. I create what I’m passionate about. If I were to start creating for others instead of myself, I would certainly lose my authenticity and passion for what I do. It may not always be the best writing or something that anyone cares about, but it came from an honest place.

Even if it that means all I did was write this really boring post.

– C.A. Sullivan

Spirit Animals

Do you believe in omens? I always try to see the messages in the world that come to me which is why I love this Animal Spirit Guides book by Steven Farmer.

Anytime I see an animal or dream of an animal, I look it up in this book to see what it means. Kind of like a dream dictionary but for animals.

For weeks I watched as these baby robins outside my window. I got to see their parents feed them, I watched them grow and I got to see them hop around the yard while they were learning to fly.

It was a pretty amazing experience. Because I had been lucky enough to witness this I figured it must mean something.

I checked my Spirit Animal Guides book and sure enough it had an important message that meant something to me. Among other meanings, it said I have a beautiful song inside me, do whatever it takes to share it. Expect new growth, be patient and watch how my dreams come true.

I’m sure this could mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but to me it means keep writing and keep creating. My time of more success is coming.

– C.A. Sullivan

Conquering Anxiety

Don’t allow your anxiety to cripple you from becoming who you were meant to be.

Easier said than done right?

Anyone struggling with anxiety knows it’s not something that will just go away, it’s something you have to work through, and it’s hard. I struggle with it often and find it difficult to even function some days. The days in which I can’t work through it and have to wait it out are the worst.

I try a lot of things to help ease my anxiety like teas, paleo santo, essential oils and CBD. I also read a lot and try to implement different tips and practices that I find.

I watched this great free course video the other day from life coach, Natalie Bacon, on how to conquer anxiety. She defines anxiety and gives you pointers on how to work through it rather than escape it. It was almost 40 minutes and it full of helpful insights.

It’s not the kind of free course that will make you wish you could go back in time and get those minutes of your life back either. Trust me, I’ve been there. It provides real tips you can apply to your life and makes you think.

She has a podcast on anxiety too that I haven’t listened to yet but you can access both the podcast and the free course video I watched using the link below.

If you have anxiety, check it out. You might find it useful.

Anxiety

C.A. Sullivan

Writing, Routine and Poor Grammar

Art of Writing Box

Is the art of letter writing dead? It certainly must be unique if we refer to it as an art, when once it was the only way to communicate. It takes time to craft a sentence that is moving. A phrase that has true meaning and depth. There’s something about putting a pencil to a piece of paper that connects you to a deeper sense of yourself and with your own thoughts.

In an age where we create things to be better, faster and more efficient all with the goal of saving time so we can have more time, it seems as though we have sacrificed something greater to get to where we are going. And where are we going? It just seems like we’re going faster than ever more consciousness of time but less consciousness of each memory in it.

As each day passes feeling more and more like a routine… Weeks pass, months pass, years pass. You look back and realize you lived every day of it, but were you a conscious player in the making of your own memories? Were you practicing mindfulness? Or were you just moving through each day to get to the next? We move through life so quickly because if it’s faster it’s better, so we can move on to the next best thing that’s even faster and better than the last. So I just put my pencil to my piece of paper and breath.

C.A. Sullivan

A Note For Anyone Who’s Struggling

Crown and Journal

Let’s be real. We’re all human and we’re all trying our best to make through life without falling flat on our faces. Trying to be a good role model, trying to stay on top of the bills, and trying to be successful at work and whatever we have a passion for. But reality can often feel like a train wreck.

We are resilient creatures. We get beat down, stepped on, we fall apart and break down but we get back up again. Perseverance in the face of adversity, injustice and oppression is what makes us stronger. It’s what affects change. It allows us to continue to make ourselves and this world a better place.

You can only fail if you don’t try. Just because something doesn’t work out the way you planned, doesn’t mean that it’s not working out the way it should. It’s impossible to know what the future holds, so don’t get stuck in what is temporary. There will be a time when you will reap the befits of your perseverance, just keep going.

C.A. Sullivan

Feeling God

Journal

I’m going to preface this post with…I wrote this awhile ago and feel a little differently about it. While I do believe in the afterlife and God, I also think that feelings of greater things to come and connection to the universe comes from just that….our connection with everything. In this fast paced world where we don’t have time to even think about what we are doing so that we can move on to the next thing, we lose the ability to feel connected with the universe, each other and God. It’s only when we stop, breath and listen that we can feel this connection. It’s so important because making that connection allows us to be who we are meant to be. The farther we get from it, the more unhappy and lost we become.

I always felt like I was born to do great things. That there was more to life than what I can see and comprehend. I wonder now if this is something I feel, not for this life, but for the life after death. There is something so great, so wonderful, that I can’t put my finger on it so it must be other worldly.

It is said that the spirit of God is in all of us, but that most of us can’t hear him because we aren’t listening. I finally listened. What I heard was that the feeling of there being more to life, is what exists in the after life. That feeling is the connection with God and that feeling stems from waiting to be with God.

C.A. Sullivan