The Smudge

In the corner, sits a smudge
It’s been mocking me
And will not budge

I try to erase it, with no such luck
It lives on my paper
Running a muck

I try to cover it, with illustrations a glow
But it’s there underneath
All the colors in tow

For it lives on my paper, forever a smudge
Bothering me greatly
With its hiss and grudge

I want it go, as it steadies its stare
Silently mocking my words
With nothing more but a glare

On and on, into the night
My smudge remains
And continues it’s blight

Then I realized, why it won’t leave
It’s because my dear friends
The smudge is me

– C.A. Sullivan


I’ve always felt like I was here to do more.
Have a greater purpose.
When life changes,
I think here it is,
This is my purpose.
But as time passes,
It becomes stale again,
I become restless.
I find myself unhappy again
and wanting to move on.
Why is nothing good enough?
Is it me?
Or am I not on the right path.
And this is my body’s way of telling me.
How do I find my path?

– C.A. Sullivan


I feel deeply
I feel others pain
As if it were my own
It puts me in a position to
Empathize with people
In a world that’s so insensitive
I take on their feelings
They become part of me
Almost as if hoping that would take some of their pain away
But the cost on my own mental health
Is draining
How do you recharge when
Caring so deeply for others
Sucks the very breath
From your lungs
The beats from your heart
The life from your soul
How do you find balance
Empathy is my gift
And my curse

– C.A. Sullivan

Writer’s Block

These blank pages intimidate me.
Why can’t I write on them?
I touch the pages
Turn on some music
Light a candle
In hopes it will inspire me
To write something profound
But the empty page
Only stares back at me
I go weeks without writing
And when I finally can put words to the page
There aren’t many of them
My dream is to write a book
But at this rate
It will be merely be a collection
Of random thoughts
Captured throughout my life
Mostly in times of pain or struggle
Because those are the times
My feelings are strongest
Maybe it’s not that I’m no good at writing,
It’s that I don’t put enough time into making it something more.

– C.A. Sullivan

Spectacular Me

Secretary Desk

I wrote this a little over one year ago. At the time, I was in a job that made me unhappy, lost an employee and had to pick up that slack while continuing to do my job that was already too heavy a work load. I had also lost my cat to a 6 month struggle with cancer and had been searching for a new job with little success and much frustration. I realized that I could actually take on more than I had thought, even in the midst of grief, anger and stress and actually come out on top. A few weeks after I wrote this, I accepted a new job, bought a new car and was well on my way to achieving the goals I had set out for myself.

These past 2 weeks I’ve have to learn how to be a graphic designer because the one at my company quit. I’ve been doing my job as marketing manager and the job of a graphic designer. It’s been challenging and it’s been stressful. But, I’ve learned so much about graphic design and myself. I’ve done things I never thought possible. I did those things. Me. Spectacular me.

C.A. Sullivan