Sometimes I get lost. Buried in my own anxiety and fear. But then when it clears, the girl I remember rises to the surface again. It’s like she was hiding from the parts of me that she doesn’t know. The parts that strip her of her freedom of self. But when she rises to the surface, she is beautiful, strong, confident and calm.
– C.A. Sullivan
Achieving success is a dance between patience and taking action. Knowing when to take a step forward and knowing when to wait. If you’re always moving, you’ll miss all the small achievements in between where you once were and where you’re going. Being able to sit in the in between is to be content.
– C.A. Sullivan
In the corner, sits a smudge
It’s been mocking me
And will not budge
I try to erase it, with no such luck
It lives on my paper
Running a muck
I try to cover it, with illustrations a glow
But it’s there underneath
All the colors in tow
For it lives on my paper, forever a smudge
Bothering me greatly
With its hiss and grudge
I want it go, as it steadies its stare
Silently mocking my words
With nothing more but a glare
On and on, into the night
My smudge remains
And continues it’s blight
Then I realized, why it won’t leave
It’s because my dear friends
The smudge is me
– C.A. Sullivan
I don’t fit into a box. I have so many interests and loves, you can’t simply confine, all that is mine, between these four walls of time. I don’t fit any label. I have so many facets and sides, you can’t possibly see, all that is me, this I can guarantee. C.A. Sullivan
I struggle often with social media because I don’t know what to post. Who really cares about what I have to say? Do I even have anything to say? Of course I do. I just don’t do exciting things or go exciting places. I live a pretty ordinary life. That’s what others may think anyway, if they scroll through my feed only to see my cat and the thousands of food posts.
But the truth is, my life is not ordinary. None of these people know me. They don’t know I lost my longtime boyfriend, at the age of 25, to a brain aneurysm. They don’t know I was there to experience him dying in front of me. They don’t know I lost my cat to a long battle with cancer and my 42 year old brother to complications from a brain tumor. They don’t know how I’ve grown through caring for a step daughter, landed a great job after going on endless terrible job interviews and how I became the person I am today though years of experiences both joyful and heartbreaking.
No one’s life is ordinary. So what if you didn’t travel to 10 different countries this year and 1,000 people didn’t like your post about what you had for breakfast. Maybe you read a book to your children today, maybe you brought your parents groceries because they couldn’t do it themselves, maybe you forgave yourself today or someone else, maybe you put clothes on for the first time in weeks instead of PJ’s, or maybe you’re grieving and not ready to do anything. Whatever you did or didn’t do, don’t let comparing yourself to others’ lives make you feel like yours is less than spectacular. Don’t let the number of “likes” you get, determine your worth.
C.A. Sullivan
I live with a monster, that prays on my weakness, it destroys my self-worth, and leaves me with meekness. I live with a monster, that knows my mistakes, it uses them like daggers, and leaves me with heartache. I live with a monster, that carves away what’s left, of any piece of worth, that I mustered up and kept. I live with a monster, that poisons my mind, it took the best parts of me, and left the worst behind. I live with a monster, this can't you see, I live with a monster, this monster is me. C.A. Sullivan
The Illuminated Page 