Spectacular Me

Secretary Desk

I wrote this a little over one year ago. At the time, I was in a job that made me unhappy, lost an employee and had to pick up that slack while continuing to do my job that was already too heavy a work load. I had also lost my cat to a 6 month struggle with cancer and had been searching for a new job with little success and much frustration. I realized that I could actually take on more than I had thought, even in the midst of grief, anger and stress and actually come out on top. A few weeks after I wrote this, I accepted a new job, bought a new car and was well on my way to achieving the goals I had set out for myself.

These past 2 weeks I’ve have to learn how to be a graphic designer because the one at my company quit. I’ve been doing my job as marketing manager and the job of a graphic designer. It’s been challenging and it’s been stressful. But, I’ve learned so much about graphic design and myself. I’ve done things I never thought possible. I did those things. Me. Spectacular me.

C.A. Sullivan

A Note For Anyone Who’s Struggling

Crown and Journal

Let’s be real. We’re all human and we’re all trying our best to make through life without falling flat on our faces. Trying to be a good role model, trying to stay on top of the bills, and trying to be successful at work and whatever we have a passion for. But reality can often feel like a train wreck.

We are resilient creatures. We get beat down, stepped on, we fall apart and break down but we get back up again. Perseverance in the face of adversity, injustice and oppression is what makes us stronger. It’s what affects change. It allows us to continue to make ourselves and this world a better place.

You can only fail if you don’t try. Just because something doesn’t work out the way you planned, doesn’t mean that it’s not working out the way it should. It’s impossible to know what the future holds, so don’t get stuck in what is temporary. There will be a time when you will reap the befits of your perseverance, just keep going.

C.A. Sullivan

An Excerpt From My Journal

Journal at Desk

Hey Guys, welcome! The best way to introduce myself is to give you an excerpt from my journal from mid 2019. I had finally made some progress after years of struggling and choosing to stay stuck in a circle of unhappiness. Enjoy!

The beginning of 2019 was an absolute train wreck for me. I was dealing with my dying cat, trying to secretly find a new job, and hating myself for who I had become over the years.

I have experienced great loss in the last 8 years of my life. The passing of my long time boyfriend, the passing of my closest brother, the passing of my grandfather, the passing of both of my cats. (Good things happened too, but I’m trying to make a point, stay with me!) I spent a lot of time in the last 8 years milling around life like a lost puppy. Sad, grief stricken, guilty, angry, ashamed of the person I had become when I was once so happy go lucky, positive and optimistic. I wondered where that person went.

I absolutely hated myself and didn’t know how to change anything. In the last year I’ve done a lot of soul searching and thinking. It has not been pretty! Especially the beginning of last year in which I was an absolute mess struggling to rip away the ugly person I thought I had become to try to be better and do better.

I finally feel like I am making some progress. All of my hard work is finally paying off. It hasn’t been easy. Its taken blood, sweat, and tears and perseverance at times where I felt absolutely defeated, at times where I was grieving, at times where I just wanted to give up. I complained non-stop to my best friend and finance, I cried…a lot, I kicked a screamed (metaphorically speaking).

And after all of that, I have finally accomplished something. A door has opened and I walked in. This is not the end of my spiritual/personal/professional journey.

This is the beginning. It will be hard, there will be more work to do, but I have finally broken through.

– C.A. Sullivan