Tag: Lifestyle

Don’t Let “Likes” Determine Your Worth

Secretary Desk and Books
~ caitlin413 ~ 4 Comments

I struggle often with social media because I don’t know what to post. Who really cares about what I have to say? Do I even have anything to say? Of course I do. I just don’t do exciting things or go exciting places. I live a pretty ordinary life. That’s what others may think anyway, if they scroll through my feed only to see my cat and the thousands of food posts.

But the truth is, my life is not ordinary. None of these people know me. They don’t know I lost my longtime boyfriend, at the age of 25, to a brain aneurysm. They don’t know I was there to experience him dying in front of me. They don’t know I lost my cat to a long battle with cancer and my 42 year old brother to complications from a brain tumor. They don’t know how I’ve grown through caring for a step daughter, landed a great job after going on endless terrible job interviews and how I became the person I am today though years of experiences both joyful and heartbreaking.

No one’s life is ordinary. So what if you didn’t travel to 10 different countries this year and 1,000 people didn’t like your post about what you had for breakfast. Maybe you read a book to your children today, maybe you brought your parents groceries because they couldn’t do it themselves, maybe you forgave yourself today or someone else, maybe you put clothes on for the first time in weeks instead of PJ’s, or maybe you’re grieving and not ready to do anything. Whatever you did or didn’t do, don’t let comparing yourself to others’ lives make you feel like yours is less than spectacular. Don’t let the number of “likes” you get, determine your worth.

C.A. Sullivan

Monsters

~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment 
I live with a monster,
that prays on my weakness,
it destroys my self-worth,
and leaves me with meekness.
I live with a monster,
that knows my mistakes,
it uses them like daggers,
and leaves me with heartache.
I live with a monster,
that carves away what’s left,
of any piece of worth,
that I mustered up and kept.
I live with a monster,
that poisons my mind,
it took the best parts of me,
and left the worst behind.
I live with a monster,
this can't you see,
I live with a monster,
this monster is me.

C.A. Sullivan

Trust the Process

Book and Flowers
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

Another excerpt from my journal about “the process.” I remember writing this and just feeling really connected to everything in the universe. I can’t say I feel that way right now but I do know that I’m always trying to get back to that place.

I keep seeing, hearing, being told “trust the process.” To be honest I don’t know that I trust the process. Sometimes I want to scream at the universe and ask why it has such a shitty sense of humor. I can’t deny though that this week’s message from the universe has been to trust the process. Literally everyday I see it in a meme, hear it in a podcast, get told it from a friend. The universe is screaming this message at me.

2019 has been a serious struggle for me. I’ve been dealing with so many difficult things from family, career, pet, to my own internal battles. I thought 2019 was going to be my best year ever, my year of change and transformation! Well, I’m not sure it’s my best year ever but it certainly is a year of transformation.

I feel the pressure from my circumstances and then when I think I can’t take anymore, a new pressure hits. Some days I sit and ask myself is this shit real? How is all of this even happening?! Well, it’s happening, this shit is real, you are sitting in your shit and you are miserable. But you know what? That’s ok!

Sometimes we have to sit in this uncomfortable state to learn, grow, and transform. And that’s what I’m doing. By no means is it pretty. It’s a mess, it’s a struggle, it’s me huffing and puffing around and complaining. But I am changing. I am getting stronger. I’m finding ways to deal with things that are healthier than I ever have before.

I can’t say that I trust the process, I’d say I’m skeptical of the process, constantly asking it questions, wondering if it knows what it’s doing. But I have kind of a controlling personality so it makes sense that I would do that. Maybe that’s the point though, to let a little bit of control go so the process can do its thing.

– C.A. Sullivan

Messages from the Universe

Journal with Flowers
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

A writing from my journal about connection…

An advertising rep I met with today gave me this bracelet. After our meeting we were chatting and she took it off her wrist which was full of others like it and said, here my sister makes these and when things get overwhelming just remember to breath!

It was such a nice sentiment from a person I just met and so relevant to my life right now that I almost cried.

As human beings we often get caught up in ourselves and hyper focus on our problems that we forget to do the simplest things like stepping back for a minute and just taking a breath.

This woman, this stranger, saw me, heard me, and gave me a message. This is not just a message from her. This is a message from the universe letting me know I’m seen, I’m heard, I’m not alone, I am acknowledged.

It’s such an amazing experience to make that kind of connection especially with people you least expect and at a time when you least expect but at a time when it’s most needed.

The universe has big messages for us. We only need to listen.

– C.A. Sullivan

An Excerpt From My Journal

Journal at Desk
~ caitlin413 ~ 2 Comments

Hey Guys, welcome! The best way to introduce myself is to give you an excerpt from my journal from mid 2019. I had finally made some progress after years of struggling and choosing to stay stuck in a circle of unhappiness. Enjoy!

The beginning of 2019 was an absolute train wreck for me. I was dealing with my dying cat, trying to secretly find a new job, and hating myself for who I had become over the years.

I have experienced great loss in the last 8 years of my life. The passing of my long time boyfriend, the passing of my closest brother, the passing of my grandfather, the passing of both of my cats. (Good things happened too, but I’m trying to make a point, stay with me!) I spent a lot of time in the last 8 years milling around life like a lost puppy. Sad, grief stricken, guilty, angry, ashamed of the person I had become when I was once so happy go lucky, positive and optimistic. I wondered where that person went.

I absolutely hated myself and didn’t know how to change anything. In the last year I’ve done a lot of soul searching and thinking. It has not been pretty! Especially the beginning of last year in which I was an absolute mess struggling to rip away the ugly person I thought I had become to try to be better and do better.

I finally feel like I am making some progress. All of my hard work is finally paying off. It hasn’t been easy. Its taken blood, sweat, and tears and perseverance at times where I felt absolutely defeated, at times where I was grieving, at times where I just wanted to give up. I complained non-stop to my best friend and finance, I cried…a lot, I kicked a screamed (metaphorically speaking).

And after all of that, I have finally accomplished something. A door has opened and I walked in. This is not the end of my spiritual/personal/professional journey.

This is the beginning. It will be hard, there will be more work to do, but I have finally broken through.

– C.A. Sullivan