Author: caitlin413

Feeling God

Journal
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

I’m going to preface this post with…I wrote this awhile ago and feel a little differently about it. While I do believe in the afterlife and God, I also think that feelings of greater things to come and connection to the universe comes from just that….our connection with everything. In this fast paced world where we don’t have time to even think about what we are doing so that we can move on to the next thing, we lose the ability to feel connected with the universe, each other and God. It’s only when we stop, breath and listen that we can feel this connection. It’s so important because making that connection allows us to be who we are meant to be. The farther we get from it, the more unhappy and lost we become.

I always felt like I was born to do great things. That there was more to life than what I can see and comprehend. I wonder now if this is something I feel, not for this life, but for the life after death. There is something so great, so wonderful, that I can’t put my finger on it so it must be other worldly.

It is said that the spirit of God is in all of us, but that most of us can’t hear him because we aren’t listening. I finally listened. What I heard was that the feeling of there being more to life, is what exists in the after life. That feeling is the connection with God and that feeling stems from waiting to be with God.

C.A. Sullivan

Don’t Let “Likes” Determine Your Worth

Secretary Desk and Books
~ caitlin413 ~ 4 Comments

I struggle often with social media because I don’t know what to post. Who really cares about what I have to say? Do I even have anything to say? Of course I do. I just don’t do exciting things or go exciting places. I live a pretty ordinary life. That’s what others may think anyway, if they scroll through my feed only to see my cat and the thousands of food posts.

But the truth is, my life is not ordinary. None of these people know me. They don’t know I lost my longtime boyfriend, at the age of 25, to a brain aneurysm. They don’t know I was there to experience him dying in front of me. They don’t know I lost my cat to a long battle with cancer and my 42 year old brother to complications from a brain tumor. They don’t know how I’ve grown through caring for a step daughter, landed a great job after going on endless terrible job interviews and how I became the person I am today though years of experiences both joyful and heartbreaking.

No one’s life is ordinary. So what if you didn’t travel to 10 different countries this year and 1,000 people didn’t like your post about what you had for breakfast. Maybe you read a book to your children today, maybe you brought your parents groceries because they couldn’t do it themselves, maybe you forgave yourself today or someone else, maybe you put clothes on for the first time in weeks instead of PJ’s, or maybe you’re grieving and not ready to do anything. Whatever you did or didn’t do, don’t let comparing yourself to others’ lives make you feel like yours is less than spectacular. Don’t let the number of “likes” you get, determine your worth.

C.A. Sullivan

Red

Red's Wings
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

The name’s Red. I had a real name once, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I flew down to this hellhole called Earth via wings. That’s right, wings. Ya see, I’m an angel. Don’t look like much now do I? Well, that doesn’t make a difference.

I was sent here to fight a war on demons until I fell in love with a human. I gave up my wings to be with him. But the demons had another idea. They killed him, took him from me knowing I could never return to heaven and knowing that without him, I wouldn’t want to stay on Earth.

They hunt me and terrorize me. But I’m a fighter. After all, my mission here was to kill them and kill them I will. Every last one of ’em. Righteousness may not be my saving grace but I wanted this human life so I’ll be damned if I let these monsters take me, literally.

C.A. Sullivan

Saying Goodbye

~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

My brother died 3 years ago in hospice care. I wrote this a few months ago because I had probably been holding it in that long. Grief is hard to deal with. You learn to live in a world without them but the loss is felt forever.

When I went to visit my brother in hospice I couldn’t stand near him because if I did I feared I would cry uncontrollably. His mother and sister in law were there and I had never met them more than once before. I don’t like crying in front of strangers. I don’t like being vulnerable in places I don’t feel safe.

So I held it all in and sat there next to my dad on the hospice couch, not even looking at Sean. He didn’t even look like himself. It broke my heart to sit there and not talk to him. But I couldn’t be vulnerable there.

Some time passed and it was time to go back to the hotel. I put my hand on Sean’s arm and said goodbye, I love u. He died 10 minutes later. My parents went back but I stayed at the hotel. I just couldn’t stand there with his dead body in a room with strangers.

I take comfort in knowing he waited for me to say goodbye before leaving us that day.

C.A. Sullivan

Love

~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment 
Love demands everything
and wants nothing.
It grows powerful
but makes one powerless.
Love conquers all
and destroys some.
It repairs broken hearts
but causes heartbreak.
Love feels strong
and is felt by the weak.
Love builds slowly
but it can be taken away quickly.
Who are we without love?
Empty reflections of our true selves.
Love is a necessity 
and emptiness is a heavy burden to carry.

- C.A Sullivan

Night Love

Secretary Desk and Books
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment 
When night falls,
our hearts touch.
Speech becomes absent.
I stand before you,
yours for the taking.
The best of friends,
the most passionate of lovers,
such a whirlwind is our love.
As the night fades, 
the magic lifts,
and I find myself alone.
Until the next time,
we meet again,
in the deepest part,
of my most divine dreams.

C.A. Sullivan

Kingdom of Fire

~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

Most of the time I write these short excerpts from stories I’ve imagined. It’s like puzzle pieces in my mind that I have to put together. They’re never in order, they never come all at once and sometimes the other pieces are never found. I hope I can use this blog as a place to store the pieces in hopes that one day I’ll be able to put them all together.

Fire surged around her. Lighting struck like bombs destroying everything. She knelt on the ground holding her love as his body turned to ashes. The wind whipped violently past and grabbed what was left of him up and away from her forever. She knelt there staring at her empty arms as the pillars of the last kingdom fell around her.

She stood, reached for her sword and walked into the fire with a rage in her heart so fierce, nothing could stop her.

Years after the war…

The humans are gone. When the demons rose up from the underworld during the apocalypse they slaughtered every last one of them. The Creator sent the angels down from the great kingdom to fight the demons and protect the humans, but they were defeated. Now, all that remained was a blackened world full of vile creatures. With deep feelings of loss and devastation, the last of the angels, called the Band, and the Creator retreated back to the great kingdom.

Book Traveler

Bookshelf
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment 
As I read each word, 
the sentence comes together,
painting pictures in my minds eye,
of places thought lost forever.
As I turn the page,
and drift further away,
diving deeper into a time,
far from that of today.
Where dreams are real,
and time is lost,
never to return,
not caring the cost.

- C.A. Sullivan

Adeara

Adeara's Secretary Desk
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

I was an amateur writer who wrote short stories and essays for magazines that no one knew existed. I was 21, ambitious, and naive. That is until my sire, Cornelius, found me. I stayed late that night at the tiny bookstore I worked at. It was more like a hole in the wall actually, among other holes in the wall, along a small practically abandoned side street. I’m surprised anyone even found the place.

I was writing another trés boring essay when he appeared. He was tall, mysterious, gorgeous, and pale. Shit was he pale. I wanted to ask him if he needed to take a seat for a while or offer to take him to the nearest tanning salon. But I didn’t, I couldn’t. I felt so in awe of him all I could do was listen to his beautiful voice as he offered me his preposition.

He told me he’d been watching me for weeks. Apparently, I was at first going to be a midnight snack but he became intrigued with me, with my beauty and he wanted me to join him, his kind. So instead of becoming dinner I chose immortality. What the hell, I was ballsy and his life sounded more fascinating than mine. Life truly did get fascinating after that night, or should I say afterlife. I had so many new, different, erotic experiences. I had to write them down. So that’s exactly what I did.

My experiences went from pages scattered on a desk to print in local magazines to novels on the best selling shelves of huge chain bookstores. Mortals loved my books. My fellow vamps and elders though, well, they looked down on them. They constantly tell me that I should be more discrete. I’m putting the whole race in danger by revealing secrets in my work. I tell them Mortals are ignorant. They think it’s fictional, like every other piece of trash they pick up and read. They insist someone will discover us through my books. Yet they continue to let me publish them.

But any threat made to us, any hint of discovery, and it’s my head. That’s what they tell me anyway. I’m not scared.

C.A. Sullivan

Inner Voice

Book and Jewelry Box
~ caitlin413 ~ Leave a comment

I wrote this excerpt in response to a writing prompt from a journal of mine. I find the prompts really helpful when I have no idea what to write but want to practice to improve my writing.

My inner voice is a feeling of connection so deep and so vast that it cannot be explained in words, it can only be felt. It is shaped by a deep connection with myself, the energy of my soul and the powers of the universe and God.

It’s my soul, the piece of me that is connected to the Earth, the universe, the higher power, God, Jesus, the part of me that is deeply intertwined with the webbing that connects us to everything. It’s the voice that’s buried in the constant noise and destruction of every day life.

I often feel as though my inner voice is drowning in someone who is only doing what they think they’re supposed to do, based on what they’ve been told to do is right, for a lifetime.

C.A. Sullivan